My fiancée refuses to sign prenup

Dear Pastor,

I am a 42-year-old man and I am divorced. I have three children with the woman I have divorced. I am now in love with a young woman, who is 25 years old. I love her very much.

My former wife blamed me for getting involved with this woman, which caused us to get a divorce. This is a lie. The young lady had nothing to do with the breaking up between my wife and me.

Our relationship started to go sour about 10 years after we were married. She wanted too much, but she gave very little. She was in a good job and she felt that we needed a helper. She started ringing that in my ear when she was carrying our second child.

My mother was staying with us and assisting her. But she wanted to come home after work and get into a house dress and watch television. Although my mother did most of the cooking, she started to treat my mother as if she was a maid. I objected to that, so she started to show that she did not want my mother to remain at the house.

Soon after she had the second child, my mother left. I made a great mistake by getting this woman pregnant for the third time. My father died and my wife thought that she was going to get part of everything that he left for me, but it did not work out that way.

My main reason why I am writing to you is that the relationship with my present girlfriend is getting very tight. She wants to have children of her own. I am in a good financial position to have more children. I told this young woman that I would like her to sign a prenuptial agreement. My father told me that I should never remarry unless I have my spouse sign a prenuptial agreement.

My girlfriend told me that she will not sign any such agreement. Therefore, I do not know what to do.

Before telling her that I would like her to sign a prenuptial agreement, I bought her a ring and invited a few friends at her home. Then I got down on my knees and propose to her and gave her the ring, which she has been wearing since that time. It was a surprise engagement and it was done on her 24th birthday. I would have loved to marry her already, I do not want the end of the year to pass and we are not married, but she is against signing the agreement that whatever I had she will not make any claim on if our marriage doesn't work.

I think I have the right to protect my children and all my assets, including those I got from my father's estate. My present girlfriend says if I genuinely love her, I would not insist that we do a prenuptial or that we should even be talking about having a failed marriage.

My girlfriend discussed this matter with some of her girlfriends who are Christians and they told her that Christians should not sign prenuptial. Our relationship is getting to be rocky because I told her that unless she is willing for us to sign a prenuptial agreement, she should return the ring that I have given to her and allow me to find another woman.

Do you think I am wrong in insisting for her to sign a prenuptial agreement? I will never be unfair to my fiancee if we were to get married, but for her not wanting to sign the prenuptial has caused me to look at her as a greedy woman. She knows on my side I have a lot of wealth, so she wants to get some of that wealth. I want to hear from you, please.

G.R

Dear G.R.,

I would like to suggest that before you make a final decision, please go and see an attorney-at-law for advice. Making a prenuptial can be a very wise decision. It can protect the male and also the female. It is not just a one-side matter.

A lawyer, therefore, can guide you in this matter. Christians are not to be fools, so do not allow anybody to make you feel that as a Christian, you should not be wise in day-to-day matters.

So let an attorney-at-law advise you in this matter. But I know I can say that if this woman refuses to do a prenup, you probably should walk away from the relationship.

Pastor