My girlfriend is loud and embarrassing in bed

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 30s and I am living with my girlfriend. We have one child together.

My girlfriend comes from a home where she said she did receive much love. Her stepfather and her mother were not married. Even now, whenever she mentions her stepfather, she doesn't have anything good to say about him. Our relationship is not what I want it to be. She curses a lot and she does so even in the presence of her child. I try to tell her that she needs help, but when she responds, she says that she doesn't need any 'F' help from anybody.

Pastor, we live in a small place. It is really a one-bedroom, but we put up a partition, with the permission of the landlady, to separate us from our son. My child's mother uses expletives when I am trying to make love to her. I cannot mention the filthy things that she tells me what I should do to her.

She describes my private part in a very disgusting manner and she does the same about hers. If she is experiencing an orgasm, she says it loudly and it is very embarrassing. Our son is over two years old and he uses the same words that his mother uses and she finds it funny. She takes that as a joke, but I know it is not.

I know we cannot go on like this. I told her mother that I believe that her daughter needs help and she said that she agrees with me. I told her that I don't believe that I can continue in the relationship, but I am concerned about the child. Her mother said that she would keep him. But where will her daughter go? I am asking you to give me your advice. Why should a woman use so many expletives when she is talking to me? I know that there are times when a woman can get excited when she is experiencing orgasm, but this woman says things that even the landlord asks me about. I would love to hear from you.

Y.T.

Dear Y.T.,

I am not a psychiatrist, but I believe from what you have said that your child's mother probably needs psychiatric help - urgently.

Her situation should not be ignored. Some women do have filthy mouths. Sometimes they can be heard on the street cursing. I think that some women tell each other words that can be described as shocking. They talk about whose 'so and so' is bigger than the other.

When your landlord spoke to you about how your girlfriend is behaving, it must have embarrassed you. The question is how you would get your girlfriend to realise that something is wrong and that she needs help? Right now she does not believe that she needs any help at all. I wonder whether her mother would have a conversation with her and tell her that she needs to go to the doctor.

Perhaps you need to let your girlfriend know that it is very embarrassing to hear her curse like that, and that the child believes that it is normal for him to say these things because he heard her saying them. You do not want to threaten her, but you need to warn her and let her know that if she does not change her ways, you might just end the relationship with her. So, the both of you should go and seek the help of a counsellor.

If she insists that she is not interested in receiving professional help, you will have to consider moving on, but do not be in a haste to leave her. In the meantime, you may have to consider moving; renting a bigger place and giving the child his own room so that it would not be easy for him to hear your girlfriend and you when you are carrying on during sex.

Before I go, I need to say that it is normal for some couples to make noise while making love. But from what you have described, the way your girlfriend behaves and the things she says are abnormal.

Pastor