Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear pants

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old. I live with my mother and one brother. My father is a Rastafarian.

I love him, but I like to wear make-up and he tells me that I should learn to be a natural girl. I have a boyfriend and although he is not Rastafarian, he does not like me to wear make-up either. My boyfriend doesn’t even like to see me wear pants, but I love to wear them.

When I was 17, if I did not have on tight jeans, I would have been raped. But I was able to fight the guy off because he could not manage me and so he left me alone. This guy was one of my schoolmates. He had asked me for sex and I told him no. But we were on the school compound. We were practising math and he came over me and held my hands and I told him to stop but he wouldn’t. He started to do a little pushing and then it got serious. I realised that he wanted to get into my jeans and we started to fight. The guard was at the gate and we were far away, so nobody could hear me. But I was able to fight him off and I threatened that I would report him to the principal. But I did not bother to do so. Later on in the day, he called me and told me he was sorry for what he tried to do to me.

I love my boyfriend; he is ambitious and kind. But I don’t like where he is attending church. They don’t want women to use make-up or hair extensions. He and I have sex because he is living with his grandmother and she sells at the market. Sometimes she gets home late, so I go to his place. He has his own room and privacy, but we always use protection. His grandmother likes me. He does not talk much about his mother.

I would like to be a lawyer, but in his church, they do not believe that lawyers can be good Christians. They think all lawyers are liars. I told him that if he follows his church and what the members believe, we will not have a future together. He said that he would not leave me even if I became a lawyer. I consider those people ignorant. What do you think?

My father has treated me very well. He told me he is proud of me. I introduced him to my boyfriend who likes him. Do you believe that all lawyers are liars? Are you against girls who wear make-up?

R.

Dear R.,

Recently I officiated at a wedding and the maid of honour was a mature woman.

She tried to impress me by telling me that she does not wear make-up. I want you to know, young girl that everything in life should be done in moderation. Some women go to the extreme; they literally paint their faces. But for the church to have rules and to insist that the women of the church should not use make-up is going too far in my opinion.

Concerning whether it is right for a Christian to study and practise law is foolishness in my opinion. I give thanks for lawyers. What would the world do without them? Jesus did not condemn them. They were around when Jesus was giving lectures and they asked him questions. I am glad your boyfriend would not end the relationship with you even if you became a lawyer.

Churches should not condemn the females for wearing pants. There is a time, place and occasion for everything.

Pastor