Thinking about remarrying my ex-wife

Dear Pastor,

I am 38 and I am a divorcee. I got married when I was 23. My wife was 24. We grew up in the same house.

My mother sent me to live with this girl's mother. I was only 10 years old, so this we grew up together as brother and sister. But from I was 14, we started to fool around.

This girl and I did not hide anything from each other. When she started to see pubic hair, she drew my attention to it. Her mother did not know what was going on. We went to Sunday school and church together. My mother sent money to her mother for me to go school and to buy me everything that I needed. Her mother was a seamstress and she taught her how to sew.

When we were about 13, her mother told us that we are getting big. She explained to her daughter that she should be careful with boys. But one day, this girl and I went under the bed; she took off her underwear and my brief and pulled me on top of her. We heard somebody knocking. She asked me to go and see who it was but I could not go because I had an erection. We tried to have sex after the person left, but it did not work. She told me that her friends were having sex and if we had sex together, nobody would know.

This girl's mother always told me that I had a big penis for my age. I didn't understand what the word 'maiden' meant at the time. I used Vaseline on my penis and pushed it in her and took her virginity. Since then, we lived as lovers in her mother's house. We went to high school but she graduated a year before me. We got baptised together. I could not talk to any of the girls at church because she was so jealous.

I went on to be a mechanic and she entered the tourist industry. One of her co-workers got her pregnant, so she returned home. While she was pregnant, we were still having sex. She had her baby. The man who got her pregnant did not accept the child. He said she was having sex with other workers, but she told me that was not true. I married this girl; it is like I was marrying my sister because I knew everything about her.

But I had to divorce her because I caught her having sex with another man. I divorced her to punish her, but I still love her and I don't know what to do. So that is why I need your advice. She told me that she only went with the other man because she was in need and I wasn't giving her enough money at the time. Pastor, I couldn't give her what I didn't have, but I am making enough money now to support her, her daughter and her mother. My mother told me I should remarry this woman because I may never find another woman like her.

Should I remarry her?

M.D.

Dear M.D.,

I will not tell you to remarry or not. That decision is strictly up to you. I could say though that you could never be sure that this woman would not cheat on you again.

You said you caught her having sex with another man, I wonder what you mean by having sex. Is it sexual intercourse you are talking about, oral sex or what? I may sound stupid to you, but in these days, people use the word sex loosely. But you know what you saw and I don't believe it is fair to ask a counsellor to advise you because the person was not there when you caught your wife 'having sex'.

I know that this lady did not love you as much as she told you she did because if she had, she would not have got involved with another man while she worked at the hotel. But I leave that there. Make your own decision on this matter. I hope that you will continue to do well financially.

Pastor