Wife called another man’s name during sex

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for three years, but this lady and I have been living together for five years.

We have one child together. I love my child and my wife. But my wife does not show me much love. She is always comparing me to other men that she has had. I have always told her that I made a big mistake when I married her.

My wife and I had a very big fuss because one day we were making love and she called the name of a man I know very well. I stopped romancing her and I asked her whose name she just called and she said she did not call anybody's name, and I was upset. I said "You called 'such and such' name." I know the man well, but I did not know they were lovers. So what she said caused us to have a big fuss that night. She eventually admitted that they were lovers.

I do not know how I didn't suffer a heart attack. So instead of calling my name, she called the man's name and was telling him what to do to her. I could not sleep for the rest of the night. She went to the bathroom and when she came back out, she went to bed. I told her the following morning that she should pack her bag and leave. She called some of my siblings and asked them to talk to me and then she went to my mother and told her that I was accusing her of having a man. My mother called me and I went and spoke to her. She told me that she believed me and if my wife hadn't had sex with that man, she would not have called his name.

Pastor, I miss my little girl, but I don't miss this woman and I give her money to take care of my child. I will continue to do so. I am not saying that I have not made mistakes, but for this woman to call out the man's full name during our intimate moment, really upset me. I cannot go back to her. No way am I going to make love with this woman again. I consider the time that we have spent together as wasted years. My mother takes care of the child while my wife is at work. My sisters are not against my wife, but nobody believes her. Please tell me if you believe that she was finished with this man when we got married. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

T.S.

Dear T.S.,

Most readers, I believe, would say that the reason your wife called the man's name is because she remembered the good time they had whenever they made love.

I am not sure whether it would be correct to believe that. However, I remember a gentleman saying to me that he suspected that his wife was having an affair, and on one occasion, while he and his wife were making love, she said "Oh, 'so and so', I did not know that yours was so sweet." He was shocked, but he continued to make love to her. One can say that his wife got caught up in the moment, so that was the way she expressed herself. This thing called sex can be sweet and dangerous.

Your wife admitted that she and this man whose name she called during your lovemaking have made love together in the past, but you seemed to believe that their relationship is not dead, so you asked her to leave. I can't beg you to take her back. But I will not go further in my comments.

Pastor