Twin sister obsessed with my fiancé

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have been engaged to my boyfriend of two years. I have a twin sister. She had a boyfriend but they broke up a year ago. She has not got over him. My twin sister and I are best friends. We do everything together. The only thing that we did not do is to have sex with the same man. I knew when she had sex for the first time, and she knew when I did it for the first time. 

Now that I am getting married and the date is fixed, my sister is becoming more depressed. She has gone out on a couple dates but she calls the fellows who took her out jokers. They are not what she is looking for. I told her not to worry, she will find another man. She is wondering when that will happen. She said that she does not want any man who does not earn a lot of money. 

The big problem that my fiancé and I are facing is that my twin sister wants to come with us on our honeymoon. My mother said that we should take her because she is not going to be in the same room with us. My fiancé says we should help her to go on vacation another time but not at the same time when we are on our honeymoon. 

I asked my sister why is it that, on our special day, she would want to be around and she said, if she did not break up with her boyfriend, she wanted us to have a double wedding and go off on honeymoon together. She does not believe that she would be comfortable knowing that I am married and off on my honeymoon leaving her behind. 

My boyfriend said that his brother and his wife would take vacation at the same time and my sister could join in and go with them. But my sister says that, if she cannot come with us, she would stay at home. She has destroyed all the pictures that she took with her boyfriend, even those with my fiancé and me and her boyfriend and herself. 

I think my sister is going cuckoo and I am really worried about her. I would love to hear your suggestion. I am very worried about her. 

T

Dear T.,

Many things came to mind when I read your letter. I know that there are twin sisters who are very close and they are always together. I know of a Christian girl who told me that she told her twin sister everything.  Nothing is kept as a secret. 

This particular girl got married and the marriage failed. She was devastated. I did my best to counsel her but all she wanted was her husband to come back to her, but he refused to do so. At one time, I wondered whether she would take her life after she went to North America. 

Now, you and your twin sister are close. What I can suggest is that, before you walk the aisle to say I do, make sure you do premarital counselling. I also suggest special pre-marital sessions involving you, your fiancé and your twin sister. Otherwise your twin sister may become a thorn in your flesh and your husband is not going to tolerate her. 

She should not be forced into any other relationship, because she is not ready for that. But, at the same time, she is behaving as if your man is her man and she cannot survive without you. She is not crazy but she needs psychological help. That help must come from one who is trained, so please do not ignore what I am suggesting. 

In the meantime, be firm in telling her that you and your fiancé will not take her when both of you are going on your honeymoon. I wish you well. 

Pastor