Classmate wanted sex on our first date

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I am the only child for my mother, but my father has two other children. I am his only daughter and I love him very much.

My mother told me that I am a miracle because the doctor told her that she would never get pregnant. So even after she missed her period, and was told that she was pregnant, she did not believe. People used to call her a 'mule'. She told me that she hoped that I would not suffer what she had to go through, because even my father's sisters used to tell him to leave her because she is a mule. But my father stayed with her. Now, whenever they see me, they tell me how much they love me. But I always remember that they didn't love my mother. My father is a farmer and my mother used to help him. Because she was childless, he told her that she didn't have to go out and work because he could take care of the two children he had.

When my father married my mother, his sister didn't attend the wedding. He told his relatives that my mother deserves his ring, and she is the one he loved. My mother told me that when she was pregnant with me and she wasn't feeling well, she didn't tell my dad because he would just stay home all day with her and do everything in the house. My father has never allowed me to stay with any of my aunts, although they try to be nice. He cannot forget what they said about my mother.

I will be graduating from college soon, but I have a classmate, who, from the time I entered college, showed an interest in me. I told him I was not interested in having a man. He kept inviting me out and I finally agreed. His parents are well-off, so he picked me up from home and impressed my parents. But when I was ready to go home, he said the evening was too young, and we went for a drive. He stopped and tried to kiss and fondle me. I told him I was not interested in having sex because I am a virgin. He said I could not be a virgin at my age. I told him to take me home immediately, but he refused. I decided to get out of the car because I knew where I was, but he said, OK, he would take me home, and he did.

When I went home, my mother asked me how was my date. I told her that I will never go anywhere with that young man again, but I did not go in details. I have seen him on campus many times, but I refuse to talk to him. He has asked me to forgive him, but I cannot, because I feel so disappointed in him. I thought he would have known better. He made me feel that all men cannot be trusted. But then I think of my father, who is such a darling, who treats my mother with great respect.

If this guy had learnt to control himself, I would have had sex with him at another time, but not our first date.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

First of all, I want to thank you for writing. You have spoken highly of your father. I am glad that you love him and that you believe that you have good parents.

I can imagine how difficult it was for him to remain with your mother although his own relatives called her a mule and told him he should end the relationship. But he didn't. I have mentioned numerous times in my column that I officiated at a wedding for a Rastaman. For years, he was living with a woman and couldn't impregnate her. People thought he was crazy to marry her, but he did. On the day of the wedding, while saying his vows, the Rastaman broke down and wept. I didn't know why, but I found out later that although she did not have any children for him, he was determined to marry her. The good news was, a few months later, she got pregnant. That is what love is all about. Contrary to what many mothers believe, the idea that a young man should impregnate his girlfriend before marrying her is nonsense.

But let me stop here and deal with this idiot who took you out on a date and tried to force you to have sex with him. He thought you were easy to get. He did not want to take no for an answer. But you stood firm. You did not behave as 'one of the girls'. I am sure the time will come when you will fall in love. You will meet a man who knows how to treat a woman and will not force you to have sex with him on the first date.

Pastor